Ain't Nobody Perfect

I've been thinking a lot lately how perfectionism can hold us back in life, keep us from fulfilling our desires and destinies, and even paralyze us at times.  Worst of all, perfectionism activates the inner critic who tells us we are not living up to our own standards and, on some deep down unconscious level, may even make us feel we are not worthy of love.  While obviously it is good to strive to be the best we can be (we wouldn't grow without doing so), in my view, setting overly demanding expectations for ourselves ironically serves only to impede growth.  

I've seen this happen repeatedly with my 5-year-old son, who has huuuuuge perfectionist tendencies - he can conceive in his mind of exactly what he wants to achieve, and if he can't do it perfectly, he gets so frustrated it often paralyzes him such that he doesn't even want to try.  Time and time again, I attempt to teach him that most of life is practice not results, the journey is the destination, and other such wise lessons (which he mostly ignores). 

Witnessing this dynamic with my son has led me to think about how this same tendency affects me (and so many others) as adults, albeit in much subtler ways....but it's there.  It seems to me to be a particularly common affliction for those of us on the spiritual path - we care so much about doing the right thing, being a positive influence, spreading the love, changing the world, and living up to all sorts of beautiful values, that we become acutely (painfully) aware of our shortcomings and weaknesses.  This kind of self-reflection is good to a point.  But, when it is taken so far that we lack compassion, patience or love for ourselves, then it seems to me we are actually moving backward on the path....these feelings inspire contraction, not expansion.  After all, if we can't love ourselves, are we really capable of loving others???  We not only lose touch with our own divine spark, but we also seem to forget that as human beings in the world of form, we are works-in-progress.  As I tell my son, the journey is the destination.

In the midst of pondering these thoughts, the universe (in the form of fellow Zaadzsters) sent me two wonderful bits of wisdom, as it so often does if we are open enough to listen and receive.  Both of these quotes were so insightful and inspiring to me, helping me to hold myself in love and compassion even on my most uninspired or small-minded days, that I am moved to share them so they might help you as well.

The first, from Abraham Maslow:

"There are no perfect human beings!  Persons can be found who are good, very good indeed, in fact, great. There do in fact exist creators, seers, sages, saints, shakers, and movers...even if they are uncommon and do not come by the dozen. And yet these very same people can at times be boring, irritating, petulant, selfish, angry, or depressed. To avoid disillusionment with human nature, we must first give up our illusions about it."  ~Abraham Maslow (from Motivation and Personality)

The second, from Paulo Coelho:

"Warriors of light always have a gleam in their eyes.

They are of this world, they are part of the lives of other people and they set out on their journey with no saddlebags and no sandals. They are often cowardly. They do not always make the right decisions.

They suffer over the most trivial things, they have mean thoughts and sometimes believe they are incapable of growing. They frequently deem themselves unworthy of any blessing or miracle.

They are not always quite sure what they are doing here. They spend many sleepless nights, believing that their lives have no meaning.

That is why they are warriors of light. Because they make mistakes. Because they ask themselves questions. Because they are looking for a reason - and are sure to find it."

~Paulo Coelho (from Manual of the Warrior of Light)

Such beautiful truth.  Here's to striving, growth, gentleness and self-compassion, living in balance and harmony inside all of us!